this is the 95th post. five more till 100th. i've told myself before tht i'd get my feelings clear before the 100th. and yeh. i kinda did and kinda didnt. one more week and its gonna be another new year. if i dont get it out straight. this is gonna drag on for another yr. which is three going on four!! oh no! what's wrong with mi?!
@_@ sigh.
officially 18. nu da shi ba bian. true? quite. from the toot toot nerd nerd looking mi to now. hmmz. and the most important thing is the spiritual growth. yupz. =)) learned alot. experienced alot. put to practice alot. love and acceptance. and the need of patience to ppl. those younger than mi de. i find tht its because of the inside change tht makes mi beautiful. =)) hehheh. you'd gotta experience it yourself. sigh. lotsa things happened this yr.

and i found out someone who also blogs like mi. doing self debating like tht. yupz. and her english language i find it very well phrased and fluent seh! hahah. wow. and she's kinda like mi i find. after reading her blog. for us. only few very close friends know us really well.

ok well... this yr christmas is another yr. mi and xining were the emcee. =)) fun fun!! hahah. bit nervous arh. and thanks to the many ppl who lent mi the dress scarf boots and make up stuff blah blah blah. yupz. thankz! and thank God tht everything went smoothly!! oh yeah!! ^_^ thn the song presentation to God. it went well!! superb!! THANK YOU GOD for this day its meant for mi to thank you! thank you God for saving mi from my sins i can be free thank you Jesus Christ!!! =))

and today 25th Decemeber is eating day for mi. after lunch with cousins went to swds place eat a bit. didnt know there's food. thn dad came to fetch us to go PL for christmas dinner. aunt invited us to go. yupz. the foods aint bad. hehheh. yummy yummy!! =))

i do like you. but tht's of sibling love. i guess. tht's just tht. but who knows what the future holds. =) see ya on the last day of 2005 ppl. i shall go watch some inuyasha now. =P and its raining at 1.48am. cool weather.
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typing and retyping again. what's that on my mind this time that i can't put into words again. again its happening. i don't like the me that is like this. is it just me. that i can't overcome myself. my own barrier of nothing actually.. lying in bed not tossing not turning. staring into space. my glow-in-the-darks have been taken down. collecting too many dust.

is it just me?? when people grow up, the more the responsibility the more you must do the more you'll feel too. ah crap. what am i talking bout.

how to put into words.. do you ever have that strong wanting the needing of someone for yourself. specially to care for you to encourage you being there for you.. this journey is not easy. it takes alot of effort alot of love alot of patience alot of tolerance to do so. God help me. don't let me walk this by myself. i can't. i can't do anything to help those i see suffering. to overcome this thing that i need to overcome. this.... thing i dont know. guide me. you know me best dear God.

i'm troubled. i'm scared.
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