this is bad. some things seem to come too fast.. once and again i'm standing at another cross road.. which way do i go.. what am i suppose to do.. how do i know this is the correct thing?? life in some aspects are screwed up now.. feeling damn confused.. who do i....... in life.. i come to many cross roads and i so dont like it because i have to make decisions after decisions. sometimes i dont even feel like going home.. all i face is parents nagging and blah blah blah balh blah whatever there is in the house... i dont know what i'm thinking now... what the heck was i trying to do in the first place.. i took a wrong step and i'm regretting myself for that.. feel so lousy. no. now i'm on a long road that sees no end.. the horizon touching the land.. when do i reach the end.. i cant see what's ahead of mi.. walking through mist.. mdsypiw... who are you where are you.. i so hate having regrets in my life but once again i'm doin it. why cant i always think clearly?? the door is closing. again... whose gonna open it up this time... easy to say have faith in god. but its very trying to do it in action. |
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| ok... days come and go and i haven't updated my blog for a long time le.. ppl asking how i doing liao le how come didnt update. hahaha. ok.. so here i am now. to let you know how i'm doing.. busy with life. busy with work. busy with studies. busy with alot projects and assignments and presentations for course.. blah blah blah.. so tired.. out frm morning till bout 9pm like tht everyday.. thn later come back bathe le thn get down to work.. thn later slp. thn even when think bout ppl also like no time to sms de.. sigh.. thinking bout 2 ppl now.. hahahh. past few days the moon is super round and bright and huge and the night the sky is so chio once again.. lighting up cos of mi~!! hahhaha.. its super amazing how the sky can just brighten up my day or make mi moody de lehz.. when i look at it. really. frm a fine thin cresent to a slowly fulling moon i've seen it day by day.. now its becoming smaller again liao le.. sigh... its the same in life.. there's times when things go well and times when things go not so well.. like tht day when my shoe spoil and i gotta like drag it all the way home.. talkin bout shoe spoiling.. its high time i got new shoes.. they're all breaking up.. but thn again. i hardly even have time to spare for shopping!! and i feel real bad bout havin to spend money buy stuff again.. cos tht time for work and the usher and christmas need to wear formal so went to get clothes la.. thn now shoe pachiak liao thn need to spend money again.. sigh. hope it'll just last for as long as possible.. most to most wear the heels.. oh shuckz.. the most preety but most deadly footwear. thn on sunday got comittee meeting again.. yeah~!! oh shuckz i'm going nuts.. hahahah.. relationships seem to be coming fast.. but none of thm are you. what irony. anywayz tomorrow saturday is my shift again.. gotta work on a saturday too.. but thn i'll be working at princep st tht centre till end of jan which is like monday is my last day there.. cos the management change le and decide not to employ mi and yeang's help. sigh.. so what one help thm tide over difficult times thn now come kick us away.. oh well. that's the cruelty of reality.. anywayz it also kinda stressful over there.. sigh.. so left with my practicum. dont know how its gonna be. today's course lecture sucks big time. its the worst ever and its super demoralising depressing and disappointing. dont wanna talk bout it already. today late afternoon tht big rain... felt tht it was crying for mi.. haha?? had a bad feeling tht somethings gonna happen and yah.. the course shit. today's rain wasnt a happy rain.. really need time to recharge with god by god. oh yah got an ulser so pain. i bite myself hard during lunch today.. which was like the only meal i had?? so.............
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| dont know why the heck end up at this page.. dont know where to start frm.. how to start.. life arh.. has been tiring since last yr dec.. its the beginning of the yr only but it seems like things are fast on the move.. half of january 2005 is almost over already.. who knows within a blick of an eye.. another yr is gone.. as yrs pass.. things always seem to be on the rush faster faster and faster.. i'm actually 18 yrs of age now.. 155.. 47.. and workin too.. havin many many a commitments.. is all this coming a bit too fast?? but no matter what it was my decision ma.. to choose the path i'm takin now.. in life its a very happy thing to have someone special in it.. but thn... somehow i dont have tht there now.. instead.. you zhong shang gan.. like when you're eatin an apple but you cant taste it.. ?? gotta stop doin something tht you're always doing like tht.. cant bear to part with it.. tonight the wind as usual blowing strong and cold.. the leaves as usual dancing in the wind.. but my stars in the sky.. have been blocked by the clouds.. something's gonna happen and i have a bad feeling bout it.. whatever it is.. time now is 11.56pm
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| wah ahahahahha.. its nice to be busy.. especially busy with god's work.. hahaha. ppl will think i'm siao.. but notz. i'm not. real happy working for god with god. hahaha. guiding mi through everything.. even though it is stressful and real busy gotta make lotsa commitments but thn happy doing all tht i'm doing now.. life is meaningful..rather thn last time like got nothin to do sian here sian there watch tv eat slp use com. eat slp watch tv.. hahaa. yup yupz.. been plannin the programme with ting ting just now for this whole yr.. whoa.. time now is 3.19am.. been on it for the past few hours.. we wanna do finish as much as possible.. cos both also no time durin the week le.. yah.. anywayz now also wanna go offline slp liao le.. talkin bout slp.. since dec camp last yr i nv had have a real good good slp.. cos always busy le. hahaha. but its amazing where i get my strength and energy from. you rock god!! hahahaa. since start working i've been slping on the sofa.. cos i know if i slp in bed thn its super hard for mi to wake up in the morning to go work de. plus mama now wont wake mi up le.. so gotta get up by miself.. sigh. anywayz xi guan liao le now... bell ring for short while thn wake up le.. oh yah hor. talkin bout bell ringing i gotta wake up by miself. wah liaoz. saturday i suppose to work de lor. thn i ask need to what time report de for sat. thn tell mi 7.30am. so i wake up at 5.50. thn the wind so cold cold de lehz. thn cos its a sat. mah pa ma they all also no need wake up so early de.. thn whole house dark dark cold cold de.. hahaha. but its cool.. cos i like the dark. hahahah. so just wash up went to work like tht lor.. reach there lehz thn no one lehz!! the main centre door also locked.. thn i like ehhz?? no work meh today... so sit outside wait till 8am still no one thn called jaime.. thn she come tell mi its at 8.30am instead.. ki si lang.. bluff mi de. so continue waiting.. at least i like to be alone at tht point of time.. the morning super nice. but thn got one baby cat gotta come and meow meow meow spoil the atmosphere.. hahah. anywayz.. the door opener came late at 9am only. so i waited there for like 1 and 1/2 hr with kexin. so cute her dad ride bicylce send her here. hahaa.. after work rush to what katong park at some ulu ulu place.. so _____________ de tht lecturer.. like so siao.. =S anywayz it was scorching hot with lotsa red ants around.. DOGS ALSO!!! arhhh!! =S anywayz.. left tht place at 5pm.. thought took the correct bus.. but actually wrong one la. hahaha so somehow went to hougang area arh?? thn later go back thn went sembawang bus interchange.. the bus no. i all nv see or hear or know before de... HA. HA. HA!! so anywayz.. go find the map thingy there.. thn take bus go round sembawang area.. north arh south.. thn later suddenly regconised weizhuo's house there tht hdb cos of tht sunflower.. thn got down and took bus to church.. spent 2hours travelling sia.. how big is singapore man.. ha. was quite blur thn also cos wanna slp liao.. so tired.. thn i also bang my head in the bus leh.. cos doi doi doi thn doi until the window thn kok!.. pain arh. up at 5.50 lor.. and now 3.47am liao i still not slping... here typin so much.. i must be outta my mind la.. tomorrow hope dont nod off durin di er tang liaoz.. haahaha.. =P ok la.. stop here le.. from now on real busy liao le.. so doubt will be online much also.. kor!!! how you doinz liao le? huimin... diana.. sigh.. but even though i busy here and there.. its gd stress tht i'm under and i'm very happy with the things now.. yupz. thank god for everything!! ^_^ and boy do i love the night sky.. ITS SO CHIO~!!! everynight can be under it walkin home.. haha. so shiok. hahah. ^_^
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| so freaking pissed la. kao. come home frm work.. all sweaty sweaty de.. how to immediately go bathe. want mi kena cold arh. so watch tv la to rest and past time ma. thn thoughout keep on damning tell mi to go eat my dinner or else it;ll turn cold. what the hell. there;s something called a microwave oven right. kao. tht gm damn it so dont ever stop to shut up. kao. irritating like mad sia. siao. cant even watch tv in peace. fine. forget it. tolerate. tahan.so annoyed at work already lor. and i'm tired lor. cannot stop naggin arh. kao. thn rest awhile le thn go bathe. bathe finish thn wanna eat liao le. i even took my rice and food blah blah blah whats there on the table le lor. thn she still kns keep on telling mi to eat. wah kao. fan is ren lor. cannot see i'm eating already mehz??? blind arh or what arh. kao. thn keep on blah blah blah blah blah blah so dont stop. hello. i eating liao le leh. thn go eat and watch tv. thn she say i cannot watch cos i whole day watching liao le. oh wow yah. right. i watched tv the whole day already sia.. which is like only 15 min??? thn wah kao go and off the tv. fine.. i dont say anything. wait she go away thn go on it again. thn she immediately come off it again. what the hell sia. cannot watch arh. what's her problem lor?? say SHE buy it de. so i cannot watch. dont belief go and ask mom and dad. siao arh.. is daddy buy one lor. what's wrong with her man??? like to so piss everyone off. so siao one lor. kao. somemore today just now when just come back frm work tht time.. see she go take someone's pri 1 chinese text book.. ask her where she get it frm must remember to return or else the kid cannot study. thn she come tell mi off cos is the kid GIVE her the book. he dont want it de. oh wow!! its a new text book and the kid doesnt want it.. thn she even bring it home lor.. dont know where tht kid go in the end.. but surely go home kena scolding frm parent one lor for losing his book to a stranger.. oh man... sorry kid.. kao.. she so spoil my appitite lor. just now so freaking irritated and annoyed and sdvt u58HE$W^$QCTG RJYTJI*^R$%BGE$^M*R^ really wanna take the bottle of chilli sauce and smack it tell her shut up push her onto the sofa behind her.. kao. so stress by everything already now cant even let mi watch tv. what kinda shit is tht. say the tv is hers. this house also she buy one. i not happy can move out. what shit sia.. cant stand it lor. other ppl de grandma also okok de. only mine is like tht... kao. so cant stand it lor. really super wonder what the heck is god up to... very hard to be patient with her in cases like this lor.. she's the one kickin up all this fuss starting all these shit one lor.. thn come say i bully her. oh wow. -.- i blasting music in my ears still can hear her freaking voice.. she's so damn loud la. noisy arh!!
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| first week teaching there.. and i kena common cold le.. its not flu.. they're 2 diff illnesses though symptoms are kinda the same. anywayz.. 1st few days really super bu xi guan. everything also tian xie da luan.. make mi super blur and very irritated annoyed and blah blah blah with everything there but wo ren... anywayz.. slowly starting to get used to it le.. kinda also get influenced by the 'bad teaching habits' there.. cannot like tht.. must stand firm my way.. cannot like they all always losing their temper shout shout shout force kids to do things they super really dont wanna stuffin food down their mouths 'dragging'/ 'pulling' them around,, yah.. at least up till now i didnt do any of those.
gotta go for the medical health check thingy.. gotta get it done on saturday or sunday so i can go collect it on monday or tues. but thn leh.. i got no time to go at all.. oh shuckz.. hmmz.. like tht how.. gotta get it done on monday lor thn.. bo bian. hmmz.. see how bah. and today resume course le.. Teaching Science. wah chim sia the lecturer.. some more bring what assistant come with her..?? dang~ so dot dot dotz lor.. anywayz.. yah.. haiz.. her lesson arh. lucky didnt slp la.. cos she like look so strict strict de.. those kinda aire around her.. =S dont dare talk dont dare do anything.. besides.. it was quite fun la. cos do experiment.. raisin in 7up and water. observe and see.. interesting the raisin in 7up.. hahah. so didnt fall aslp. but also didnt really pay much attention la.. hehh.. =P anywayz today weifu go NS le.. wayne also. thn tomorrow is wayne's birthday liao lor.. or rather today cos its 12.34am le.. hahaha. yeh.. today this saturday no need work. think is 3rd and 4th thn needa work on sat.s also.. sigh.. childcare jiu shi childcare centre..so much diff. from kindergarten.. and hor.. chunAi got a dog from deborah and jodie tht's the same as my stash!!! blehz~ mine is nicer thn hers. and hor. now Stash thn have new doggy friend le.. a browny bache colour de.. but thn the ear hor.. lopsided de.. hahaha... bit funny lehz.. dont know what name to give it though... hey... i'll call it coffee.. cos its looks like coffee ice cream.. hahaha.. ka fei zai.yupz. how's it.. any suggestions? ^_^ |
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arh so tired. very tired. so long thn got time to come online again.. wanna pengz le.. but thn ya lah.. anywayz.. work is STILL ok... surviving.. there really one big HAIZ.. haiz.. dont want say anything le.. until now still trying to learn the ropes.. slowly will get the hang of it.. 1st day work at 9am. thn tue is 8am. thn today is 7.30am. tomorrow is 10am. thn fri is 7.30am again.. this week saturday not mi shift.. 3rd and 4th thn is my week.. oh boy.. each time work is 8hours de. but its good working experience gained.. things dont always go smoothly as you think de.. yupz.. wah like tht thn when course starts tht time thn wo bu shi yao si diao liao le.. sure will slp durin lesson time de lor.. oh shuckz.. playin the aurora cd but thn i like wanna slp liao le de.. also dont know what thing she singing.. hah.. -_- anywayz.. today weifu come back le.. think tomorrow goin to meet him arh.. 7th wayne and him goin to NS le.. jia you bah. think tht's all bah. havent write the thingy for Pan Shi.. ah sian.. whatever la.. at least tomorrow no need wake up tht early.. cos tomorrow shift is 10am till 7pm. mon,tue,thurs 10am-7pm. wed,fri 7.30am-4.30pm... today was a cold day.. and yesturday's bus ride back home was the most sucky one up till date.. why neh. cos the WHOLE bus.. everywhere couple couple couple couple and more couples together de.. huggin, leaning against, holding hands, kissing, sitting, standing, being together.. everywhere i turn cant see anything else but tht.. ta men you ren ke yi kao.. ke shi ru guo wo kao xia qu de hua jiu hui die dao le.. shuo yi wo yi ding yao jian qiang xia qu. mei ban fa zhi de kao zi ji ao xia qu!! bu ke yi lei kua le.. fu ba jiu xiang shang di.. the only hope i'm holdin on to.. the bus.. my life.. a very very long, tiring journey to my final destination.. who knows where is it heading what's gonna happen at the next stop or who's gonna board.. one of these days.. i'll meet the one at one of the stops.. or maybe.. i think we are already on the same bus just tht... _____________________. [i dont know how to put into words]. |
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ok.. this is a real lousy day la. wake up my leg freakingly hurting like siao.. stiff stiff de.. cannot walk properly. so after tht went to xuhua uncle's place.. wah shit. so pain lor he rub rub rub turn turn dont know do his stuff la.. wah pengz~!! i'm in a super lousy mood now.. so ppl if i blast at you annoy you irritated you or what.. well so sorry thn. its very super ______. mom allow dajie to stay out overnight at friend's place.. but thn last night wont allow. in the middle come chase us all home.. dang. and she says cos esther go out too much already.. thn i also cant.. dang. ah whatever la.. dont want talk bout it already. i one person by myself also can go where. no one accompany mi go also. must well face the computer and type.. blah blah blah blah whatever.. somemore leg pain.. kinda a lousy ending to yr 2004 lehz.. oh shoots. this is lousy. and next yr gotta work longer hours. this is boring. nothing to do.. tomorrow de first tuan qi of yr 2004 hope everything goes well.. especially the part bout the sharing.. hope they did prepare well..
anywayz. been talkin on the phone to hashnul for the past one hour plus.. at least got something to do. was real bored super bored la. no not one hour plus. frm 10.53 till 12.44am.. tht's.. go calculate it yourself.. cant think. listening to She Will Be Loved now.. its a damn nice song. feeling alot better.. he's eatin fried rice now. just now actually wanted to call weiFu at 12am de.. but talk talk talk until didnt notice time. its amazing mom or dad didnt come stop mi frm talkin.. hahah.. tht huangshuai keep callin me my dear. shit him la.. i hate ppl who's not my bf or close to mi de ppl to call me dear. if he was here i'd slap him.. same as ruixiang de.. but sj told mi hs is play with ppl's feeling de person. tht's even more an disgrace to male kind la.. haiz. pity him. this kinda ppl are those who need other's real 100% care and concern most de..
anywayz.. now its year 2005 already.. hope that everything goes well. hard to say what will be gonna happy. but everythings start anew.. will my liking him start to deminish?? i dont know bout tht.. still thinkin bout him now.. but he slp le de one. now playin is mayday's wen rou. hashnul eat finish and called him again. think i'm gonna talk to him the whole night. haha.. nice experience. his student brought 3 more friends. haha. too many ppl at his place. rang wo zhao gu ni playing now. eatin oreo also. wonder what da jie doin now.. ppl all slp le de now.. cant belief i'm actually eating oreo i dont like oreo de lehz.. hmmz.. actually they taste not bad la.. put down phone liao cos he's entertainin his friends. yupz. think i better stop typin le bah.. now its 1.51am le.. wow.. ok.. anywayz gone to read the book borrowed frm guanliang.. its those kinda thrillers. cool. love those books. chowz~ mayday's songs are nice sia. especially the chao ren.. =)
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